BitterSweet Memories
by pokeshadow97
Summary: It has been two years since the fall of the dark lord. For those two years Draco Malfoy's life had been reduced to running and hiding from the Aurors. But now there was no escape. His only option is to turn to the man he has been trying to forget about for all these years. The man he hated...because he loved him. Draco X Harry. YAOI in the later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Draco's POV

The dark grey walls of the old dusty room seemed to leer at the blonde boy laying on his new bed. Everything was new. House, room, life in general. It had only been two years since the dark lord's demise. Two of the worst years of Draco Malfoy's life. The ministry of magic had created an entire new law enforcement regime. Anyone who had ever sympathised with the dark lord was to be captured and brought in for "questioning". We all knew that was laymen's term for straight to Azkaban. So, every few weeks or so, they would move. Their whole lives were now composed of running and hiding. And it was driving Draco mad.

His mother's timid voice echoed down the hall way, calling Draco. He sighed and begrudgingly pulled himself to his feet. What is it _this _time? They had only been in this house for a day. He hadn't even unpacked his single bag yet. The house itself had been abandoned years ago by the previous owner for god knows what reason. Couldn't have been for a good one, the house was so old and decayed and creaky, it was almost like the house itself was a ghost. Really wouldn't surprise Draco in the slightest if there was a ghost in the house. Hogwarts had once had about ten of the damn things, why shouldn't this skeleton of a house.

"Draco please stop dawdling this is urgent" His mother almost sounded desperate. What could possibly so urgent this time? It wasn't time to leave already was it?

"Alright I'm here, what is it?" Draco just sounded bored. Which in all truth he was.

"Draco we haven't got much time so listen to me you hear?" Lucius Malfoy's voice cracked slightly. Ever since his brief brush with Azkaban the once proud Malfoy had become a hollow shell of a man. His hair had turned from a lush golden waterfall to a matted mess of greying tangles. His face had been unwashed for weeks, his cloths were no better. Years ago his father would have claimed anyone who looked this way was a disgrace to the family name. But lately the family name seemed to be a curse for them.

"Get your things and go. They've found us Draco; the Auror's will be here any second now. I want you to go somewhere, anywhere away from here that's safe. We'll send an owl as soon as we can but-" Draco cut his father off.

"Wait what are you talking about father?! I can't leave here without you two!" He stared wide eyed at his parents. To his alarm his mother's eyes were wet with impending tears.

"Draco this isn't up for discussion, you are leaving here right now. It's not you they're after, it's us. If you leave before they get here you'll be safe... oh Draco...come here" Narcissa beckoned to her son. Not knowing what to do, he nearly leapt into her arms. This wasn't happening. This had to be a bad dream right? Draco had never actually thought they would get caught. He had hoped that one day the ministry would give up and they could have a normal life... _how naive I have been_.

His mother was crying Draco knew, but no words of comfort would form no matter how hard he tried. All he could do was hold her, trying not to break down himself. That had always been Draco's problem, he was very emotional more so than any other guy he knew.

"Draco..." Lucius' voice was barley more that a whisper. Draco turned to face his father. Lucius seemed to be holding something in his hand. He held it out to Draco. It seemed to glitter in his fingers. Draco reached for it. Then the world exploded.

The house shook as jets of blue and red sparks smashed through the widows, sending showers of glass over the room. Shouts echoed from outside, angry witches and wizards casting their spells at the house. Draco nearly fell to the floor as the chair beside him completely evaporated. Lucius swore loudly.

"Shit! Draco take this and go. NOW!" Lucius forced something round and silver into Draco's hand and pushed him away from the magical explosions. Draco didn't ask questions, he just moved. He ran back to the grey room and grabbed his wand. He only had enough time to be thankful he had never unpacked before the house shook so violently he was shaken off his feet. With a grunt he smashed hard into the wall and wacked his head. Pain flared in his forehead and something sticky began to ooze in his eye. Shit! Stupid sharp walls!

"Stupefy!" A man's rough cry shouted somewhere behind him. Draco raised his wand defensively, but there was no need. The spell was not aimed for him. There was a large thud from the main room. Lucius Malfoy crashed to the floor, frozen in place by the spell. Draco's mother was fiercely battling two massive Aurors , throwing up defensive shields rather than using her powerful spells Draco knew she could use.

"Where's the other one! We were told there were three!" A female voice screeched over the sound of crashing magic. A face appeared at the end of the hallway, looking directly at Draco. _Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit! Oh god ummm, think Draco think! Where the hell do I go? _A single thought popped into his head. No, that would be crazy. It'd be like walking into the ministry with open arms. But...just maybe he might... no time to question his mind. With a little flick of the wrist Draco's body twisted and disappeared.

Apparition was still an odd experience for Draco. It was like being on a rollercoaster without the safety of a cart. For about ten seconds he was twisting and turning through the dark void of space. Then he slammed into pavement. Rain was spilling from the sky, soaking Draco immediately. He was in a puddle on the side of a road. The dirty grey concrete of the path felt cold and lifeless, as if people hadn't walked there in years. Draco wanted to break down on the path. To scream, to cry, to hit, to break...something! But this was a muggle neighbourhood. They would only be frightened by a crazy blood covered man screaming in the night. They would call the police, who would arrest him, then send him to the ministry.

So for a few long minutes Draco just curled up on the pavement, tears and blood running down his cheeks, praying he wouldn't be found. Draco could still feel the silver object pressing into his palm. He opened his hand slightly to look at it. It was a ring. Not just an ordinary ring. It was his fathers, the Malfoy family crest decorating the outside. His father had given him the last Malfoy family heirloom. His soul felt like it was tearing apart, and all he could do was silently weep, letting his tears fall where they may.

A hoot from an owl brought him back to reality. Draco blinked, slightly disorientated. Judging by the moon he had been there for quite awhile. Maybe he should just leave. The man probably wouldn't want to see him again little own help him.

It was stupid why had he come here in the first place? Was it because...no, Draco had left all those unwanted feelings behind. He wasn't here for _him_...was he? The owl hooted again. Draco spotted it sitting on the fence of the house two gates up. That must be the place. Otherwise why would the Weasley owl be seated there? Draco pushed himself to his feet with a grunt. He wiped the blood from his cut and began to hobble up to the house. The brown owl watched with a mild curiosity as he passed it. A golden number 12 rested over the dark wood of the door. He shouldn't have come here. It'll just bring back all those emotions, all those memories that he had been trying to dispose of. But he had no choice. Where else could he go? He needed help. And this was the only person who could give it to him. He knocked timidly on the door. After a few long seconds it came creeping open.

"...Draco?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors note:_

_This part does get a bit graphic. There will be blood and self harm. Sorry to make people feel sad but that's just how my brain works. Also swearing but that'll be the least of your worries with where i'm taking this if you know what i mean ;P_

* * *

Harry's POV

The front page of the daily prophet was flashing in Harry's hand. ** Another Death Eater Convicted!** There was an image of a wizard Harry faintly remembered from back in the graveyard was shouting at whoever it was taking the picture giving the feel he was shouting at the reader.

Another death eater down eh? Strange to think that so many people, all of which thought they were invincible were all hiding in their holes and being hunted, just like the people they had hunted. Serves them right, they were all evil and cruel... Well... There was maybe one exception...

Harry shook his head. It was strange, lately that quirky blonde he had spent so many years hating kept creeping into his thought. _I wonder where he is? Is he being hunted? Probably is, the entire Malfoy family was being hunted last I heard... I still have his wand..._ it was true. Harry had never had the chance to return Malfoy his wand. How was he getting by without it?

Harry threw the paper away, knowing Kreature would pick it up for him later. Harry had tried to persuade Kreature to go and be free, but he politely refused saying "He was too old to be running around like a young fool" and had stayed with Harry these past two years. Harry had tried to make life more comfortably for the aging house elf, picking up after himself, being nice to him. He knew Hermione was happy with Kreature's treatment. She and Ron occasionally visited Harry, when they weren't too busy with each other. Ever since Harry had defeated lord Voldemort the pair had been inseparable It was kinda gross, all the googly eyes and the pecks on the cheek. Harry was slightly jealous of Ron for having someone like that. Harry knew Ginny would take him back in a heartbeat but he wasn't sure he wanted that. Harry had broken up with her shortly after attempting to get back together. It was just too hard for Harry. He couldn't stand to be near anyone for long lengths of time. Except Ron and and Hermione of course. Besides, anyone who came near him always got hurt...

Harry's fingers began to drum on the wood below him in a discordant pattern. So many images were flooding his brain again. As was Harry's norm. Yet still, this onslaught was particularly bad today. There were no other words to describe it. Harry had sunk into a deep and absolute depression. Ever since he had defeated lord Voldemort all Harry could think about was all the darkest parts of himself he had hidden away and just never noticed. He had always been too busy with school and finding the horcrux's to think about it properly until now. Now that he was alone...he realised everything he had caused.

For two whole year, two fucking years, he had been alone. More alone than when he lived under the stairs. Then he had uncle Vernon or Dudley or someone. Not to help him of course, but somehow hearing their voices had always made things a little bit more bearable Even Dudley had actually turned around and apologised for being so horrible to him and even thanked him for saving his life. And now even they were gone. Harry had no idea where they were or what had happened to them. They could all be dead for all he knew. Just like everyone else was.

Hundreds...No, _thousands_ of people were dead. Not because of some storm or natural disaster or man made disaster. But because of him. He may not have held the wand that did it, but he had held the cause. If he had died on that night as a child they would all still be alive. Dumbledoor, Snape, Lupin, Fred, Tonks, Mad eye, his parents...Sirius... Harry felt his throat constrict. Even now after all these years, Sirius' death was the hardest to cope with. Harry had never known his real father, Sirius was the closest thing he had ever had to one. In the four brief years he had known him, Sirius Black had felt more like a father than anything Harry could have ever imagined. Then to watch him die...right in front of him...slaughtered like a dog...

Harry was aware of the tears beginning to roll down his cheeks, but did nothing to stop them this time. It's not like there was anybody there to see them. Why even bother anymore. He just wished the world would forget about him. About "The famous Harry Potter! The boy who lived!". That was all he was, a title, a media construct. Not one person out there, save Ron and Hermione, knew anything real about him. Only what stupid black words on a piece of paper told them. One step outside into London was enough to be surrounded by admirers or media dogs trying to grab any little bit of discriminating information about him. _I wish they could all just...just...fuck off and leave me the hell alone to die..._

Maybe, just maybe, if he hadn't tried to be so noble and live up to everyones expectations, so many more people would still be alive. That whole battle at Hogwarts could have been solved almost as soon as it had started if he had just handed himself in. But no. Stupid selfish Harry had hidden behind all of his friends and loyal servants as they died for him. He may as well killed them all himself, it would have been quicker and less painful. Now he had to try and make it through each passing day holding the knowledge he was responsible for their early demises.

Him...All him...no one else was to blame... Harry bit back a small sob. He should just go and fucking die... Dark thoughts snuck their way into Harry's brain once more. Would anybody really miss him? Ron and Hermione certainly would, but they would understand. Other than that, who? Everyone he had ever known had had their lives ruined in some way by Harry. They would probably be glad to see him go. And it would be quick too. Harry knew the spell, how simple it would be. He'd died before. Death held no fear... People waited for him there. More people than those left with the living. Just two words...

Harry was sobbing now. He couldn't do it. He was too weak to die... to kill himself... Besides he deserved to feel this way. He deserved to feel the pain he had caused the world. Before he had even realised he was doing it Harry was staggering down the corridor and up the stairs. Even the house seemed to leer at him, as if judging him for not being it's rightful owner. And he wasn't. Sirius belonged here, not him. And he was gone. His soul forever extinguished because of Harry. Harry stumbled into the black tiled and stared into the silver rimmed mirror.

He hardly even recognise himself anymore. Harry was wearing what to the wizarding world would consider a muggle get up, a white shirt with a black unzipped hoodie that was all rumpled. His hair had grown shaggy and unkempt There were hardened lines that definitely hadn't been there before. A light stubble was beginning to show too. But the most startling difference of all was the darkness in his eyes. His once vibrant green eyes were dull with dark bags under them, filled with every emotion he had been unable to speak aloud to anyone. Not Ron or Hermionie knew just how far into the darkness he had sunk. Harry had always managed to put on such a convincing act whenever they showed up. They never noticed the pain that filled his every waking moment...Pain that needed release.

Harry's hands were shaky, but moved with an accuracy and precision that came with the action he had become accustom to. He could use his wand but the muggle way always seemed to have more meaning to it. Harry bit back a sob as the steel ran across his exposed skin, drawing blood instantly. It wasn't a particularly deep one, but the cut still seemed to ooze as much blood as if he had repeated that deep gash he had made awhile ago. The one time he hadn't cared if if had killed him or not. But now he didn't want death, only to feel the suffering he had caused so many others. Another slash. A second red line appeared under the first. But that still wasn't enough. He didn't deserve to let himself off so easily. He deserved all of this. Harry let out a strangled sob. He was a moster... and monsters deserved to die. Harry felt tears splash down his face as a third slash formed. Blood poured from the self inflicted wounds and dripped slowly down his arm to fall into the black sink. Black, black black. Everything here was black. It was almost as if Harry's soul was being reflected onto the walls. He had tainted this house with his misery...

"Fuck..." He didn't mean to whimper but the fourth cut hurt even more than the others. But it was a good hurt. It meant he was doing it right. Not going easy on himself like he had done on the first months. He had to take this punishment, as if this would somehow atone for his sins. Harry gave a sick shiver. He was beginning to feel a bit light headed. And maybe Harry was just masochistic but he truly liked the feeling of the blood dripping down his arm... Maybe it was just because he was getting slightly dizzy. Dizzy was good... dizzy ment...

A loud knock shook the house. Harry froze, silver blade suspended in the air just above his arm. _Was that the door?_ Another timid knock. Harry shakily pulled out his wand and muttered a quick word at his arm.

"Tergeo...Emaculo" He whispered. If it was Ron and Hermione he definitely didn't want them to see this. Harry watched as the blood stopped and began to be syphoned away by the wand, leaving no more than a tender pink line that would easily tear. Harry could have mended it completely but decided not to. Scars didn't bother Harry in the slightest. They were a sign of his struggle. Harry slowly descended the stairs and stared at the door. Who on earth could it be, and why now of all times? Why not when he needed someone to talk to or...just not when he had been doing that! He placed his fingers lightly on the golden door knob and turned it slowly.

Harry couldn't believe his eyes. Standing before him, looking almost as disheveled as Harry himself, was Draco Malfoy. He was wet head to foot from the rain bucketing down from the sky, making him look tiny and insignificant. He looked up timidly into Harry's eyes. Malfoy's face was almost as bad as Harry's. It had gone from that pristine cleanliness Harry had always known him for into a lifeless mess. His golden hair hung limp around his shoulders his grey eyes were wide with fear and rimmed with red as if he had been crying. Harry noticed he wasn't even wearing his clock. He was in a simple black t-shirt with the name of some sort of muggle band on the front. There was also a large cut across his forehead slowly seeping blood down his face. He looked worse than when he was a death eater.

"...Draco?" Harry asked quietly, not quite believing it was truly him.

"...Potter..." His voice croaked. He had definitely been crying by the sounds of it.

"What...what are you doing here?" Harry blinked. This seemed to break whatever spell was over Malfoy. Before Harry ever saw it coming Malfoy had practically tackled him. Harry stumbled backward._ What the! Is he attacking me?!_ Harry was ready to hit Draco when he felt something wet hit his neck. Harry looked down confused. Draco Malfoy was holding Harry's shirt in his pale fingers and had buried his head in Harry's shoulder and wept. His delicate structure shook as he sobbed into Harry. He wasn't sure why, but the sight made something stir inside Harry, something he had long since forgotten. Carefully, he moved his arms and slowly wrapped them around the blonde. He didn't know why Malfoy was crying...in fact, he didn't care why. He just didn't want to see him like this, going through such pain, no matter what the cause. Just like he had... So Harry held him, unsure why exactly he was compelled to, and waited for Draco's silvery eyes to dry...


	3. Chapter 3

_Authors Note:_

_I'm sorry this took so long, i've sort of been concentrating on my other story Scars and forgotten about this one for awhile. Also my N key has been acting up so if any words are missing an N sorry but it's being stupid..._

* * *

Harry's POV

Draco Malfoy stayed in Harry's arms weeping even after Harry had dragged him inside. Questions were buzzing in Harry's mind like angry bees. _Why was Malfoy here? I thought he hated me. How did he even get_ here! Malfoy had stopped crying and hesitantly stepped out of Harry's embrace.

"I, uh...Sorry about that Potter...I didn't mean to..." Malfoy sniffed.

"It's fine Malfoy, really..." Harry wasn't sure why but he was beginning to feel embarrassed. Malfoy went to brush his hair out of his eyes. He accidentally brushed the cut and hissed.

"Oh right. Here I'll fix it" Harry offered. He lifted his wand and with a gentle swish muttered the same words he had used to heal himself. The blood stopped and began to recede, disappearing before their eyes, leaving nothing but a pink mark where the slash once was. Draco hesitantly touched the line.

"Thanks..." He said quietly. "Will it scar?"

"Shouldn't if I did it right...I've gotten good at that spell...Malfoy, why are you here?" Harry asked.

"Well...I...had nowhere else to go..." Malfoy shifted uneasily. Harry raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"You were the first person I thought of...I-I need help" He looked away uneasily. Harry knew how hard it must be for him, turning to his enemy for help would be difficult for someone so stuck up like Malfoy.

"Help? Why what happened?" Harry asked concerned. They may have been enemy's but he still cared for the guy. He wasn't a monster... in that sense...

"Promise not to tell the, uh, the Aurors?" Malfoy looked up.

"The Aurors? Why what did you do?" Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know. Had he done something bad?

"NOTHING! That's the problem Harry! I mean Potter. I did nothing wrong and neither did my parents! We left before it happened. We didn't fight anyone! But they don't believe us! For two fucking years we've been hiding like rats in a sewer from these bastards and we did nothing! And now..." Malfoy was on the verge of tears again.

"Woah slow down Malfoy it's ok, it's ok. What are you talking about?" Harry asked.

"Th-the Aurors...they found us a-and they...it wasn't even our house either and they just came and... My father had given his wand to my mother, and I have hers so...he was knocked out almost straight away. My mother tried to hold them off but...there were just so many of them...I didn't want to leave them, honestly I didn't. They forced me to go Potter...You were the only person I thought I could go to... Oh god my parents are dead! They're going to kill them!" Draco began to shake with tears again.

"Malfoy calm down! It's ok, they're not dead! The ministry doesn't kill anyone, even death eaters deserve a fair trial. They might get let off" Harry knew that wasn't true, but if it helped make Malfoy feel better...

"Don't patronise me Potter! I know what happens to people like us! They take them away and give them over to the dementors to suck dry. They'd be better off dead!" Draco Malfoy began to pull at his hair. Harry went over and grabbed his hands before he hurt himself.

"Listen to me Malfoy. You're parents will be fine. _You'll_ be fine. Just... breath Malfoy breath!" Harry placed Malfoy's hands by his side. A strange buzz went through Harry's body he couldn't figure out. Malfoy's big grey eyes looked up at him.

"...I'm breathing...i'm ok..." Malfoy was on the verge of hyperventilating Harry wasn't sure why but his arms had automatically reached out to pull the shivering blonde.

"Yeah...you're ok...you're safe here" Harry squeezed Malfoy against his chest. The blonde hesitated briefly, then allowed himself to sink in, putting his head on Harry's shoulder.

"...Thanks Potter..." Malfoy mumbled.

"No problem Malfoy" Harry almost smiled. He wasn't too sure why, but it made Harry feel better when Malfoy wasn't sad.

"...Draco" Malfoy said softly.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Can you call me Draco rather than Malfoy... I don't like that name anymore" Draco said sadly.

"Sure thing, Draco" Harry liked that name better. It suited him a lot better than Malfoy did. "If you call me Harry"

"Fine then Po- I mean- Harry" Draco corrected himself. They just stood there for a long time, Draco still dripping wet, making Harry damp. Harry didn't really care of course, but he was worried about Draco getting a cold.

"Do you want to go change into something dry? Pneumonia is probably the last thing you need right about now" Harry smiled. Draco blinked.

"I, uh, don't have anything..." Draco mumbled embarrassedly.

"I have clothes you know, they'll be a bit loose on you but that's better than nothing right?" Harry said. For some reason, Harry though he caught a glimpse of Draco's cheeks turning red.

"Thanks Po-Harry" Draco corrected himself.

* * *

Draco's POV

"These things are massive Harry, they feel like a cloak on their own!" Draco complained as He looked at himself in the mirror. Harry's clothes hung from his skinny frame like rags on a begger... he felt like a beggar too. Having to steal clothing from Harry Potter... this was the lowest of the low, especially in his family's way of thinking. Not that it mattered anymore, he had no choice in the matter. Thankfully Harry had been polite enough to turn away as he changed, Draco never would have been able to get dressed knowing he had been staring at him the whole time... In his reflection he could see the skull shaped mark standing out boldly o his pale skin, covered with may other marks. None of them had worked...

"Come on they're not that bad are they? They're the smallest I have you skeleton!" Harry laughed. Draco was still plucking at the loose shirt. Another Muggle get up as well. Dark grey T-shirt with another muggle band name emblazoned upon it... Draco couldn't complain though, it wasn't like it was a bad one. In fact, Draco rather enjoyed muggle rock bands like AC/DC. They possessed a quality wizard bands often lost...Draco was also wearing faded blue jeans that were only just staying on, even with a belt. He really had lost a lot of weight the last two years...

"Whatever..." Draco looked away. "They'll do for now"

"Oh don't be so stuck up, I could have left you to go naked if I really wanted to" Harry pouted. Naked? In front of Harry? Draco hated himself for it, but he could feel a faint blush rising in his cheeks. He bristled angrily and grabbed the jumper that had been laid out for him. Again massive against his bony frame, but it was still warm and smelt of Harry... GAH STOP IT!

Draco pulled the grey hoodie over his head and stared at himself with a sigh. _I look like a damn house elf..._

"Ok, you can look now..." Draco told the brunet. Harry turned and looked at his skinny form. Even Harry gave a little snicker as he took it all in.

"Ok, maybe they are a bit big on you" Harry tried not to laugh, but Draco could hear it in his voice.

"Shut up Potter...I mean, Harry!" Draco corrected himself once more. It was difficult to keep remembering to call him by his proper name... he'd spent so long deliberately training himself to not do that it was hard to revert.

"I'll see if I can get Kreature to get you some proper clothes soon" Harry said.

"Kreature?" Draco asked. He was sure he'd heard that name before...

"He's a house elf, lives here with me" Harry said. Draco blinked. The way he talked, it was almost as if he were actually _friends_ with the elf. But...that couldn't be right.

"Oh..." Was all Draco could manage to say.

"Sorry, I forgot. Your family isn't...uh...you know...the whole house elf thing" Harry stammered.

"And what's that supposed to mean?!" Draco bristled angrily, jumping to his familys defence.

"I didn't mean you Draco, I meant... I just can't help but think of Dobby and the way he was treated by..." Harry trailed away. Draco wouldn't look at Harry. He knew what he meant. Draco had always known his father had treated their house elves rather roughly, but he had thought that was just how it worked. He was raised that way, it wasn't Draco's fault. Elves were just slaves... weren't they?

"Nevermind, not your fault...That reminds me, I have something for you. Wait right here" Harry turned and went back down the hallway, leaving Draco blinking in confusion. Harry Potter had something for _him_? But...why? He had been so awful to Harry over the years, ever since he first met him he had gone out of his way to hate the Potter boy... why was Harry being so...accepting of him. Surely he hated Draco. He had done everything in his power to make that true... yet Harry was treating him like an old friend. It didn't make any sense to Draco.

But that wasn't the only thing leaving Draco stumped. Harry was...what's the word...odd. When he had opened to door for Draco, it was clear something was up. He had looked almost as bad as Draco had. He was considerably skinnier than when Draco had last saw him for one. Draco had a good excuse for his skeletal frame, food was hard to come by when you're officially a high alert criminal, it wasn't like they could just go down the shops whenever they pleased. Even Nocturn Ally was after them, and that was made of criminals... But Harry looked as if he hadn't touched food in weeks. Not as bad as Draco, but still alarmingly so. And that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Harry was rich, as rich as Draco had once been, _and_ he had a house elf to send out if he wasn't feeling up to it. It made no sense...

But that wasn't it either. He knew Harry had done his best to hide it, but it hadn't escaped Draco's attention. Harry Potter looked as if he had been crying when he had opened the door, and again, that made no sense. Draco had seen the red rimmed eyes with a sort of detachment as first. He observed, but didn't act upon it. He had been too far gone in his own loss to even think. It was only now he had calmed down he thought upon it. Draco was finally beginning to see all the little things off with Harry. He was unusually pale, not Draco's sort of pale, but as if he was sick sort of tone. He was unbalanced, as if he was really tired or dizzy. And most worrying of all...Draco knew there had been no mistake here...Harry had smelt very faintly...of blood.

Draco twisted the silver ring on his finger as he thought. Something was really wrong with Harry. Of all the years they had schooled together Draco had only seen him like this once, and that had been when the dark lord had been attacking his mind. Even then, he had more or less been angry rather than whatever the heck this is... And the worst part? Even though it was blatantly obvious that Harry was hiding something...somehow...he was still treating Draco with all this concern and actual worry. He had held him when he cried, reassured him, comforted him, even as his whole world had been collapsing. Harry Potter _helped _him. Why? Why was he doing this? Was it just because he was...going to turn him in? Was that what this surprise was? Draco twisted the ring even harder. He could be sending a letter right now. Aurors could be here any minute. He'll be sent away to Azkaban. Dementors will...will..._feed _from him again. Oh god, he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison to be feed off by those black monsters, never to have a proper trial, never able to explain himself, just because of the mark he bore.

If only he hadn't been so weak. If only he could have just...just..._anything!_ Run away, said no, just done _something_! Now... no one would listen to him if he told the truth. He hadn't wanted to do it. Draco had just wanted to make his father proud of him for once. And he would have done anything to earn that. Anything...now look at him. Convicted Death Eater. And for what? Some stupid feeling of self worth? _Yeah, good job idiot, do you feel special now? Hand picked by the dark lord himself...you were just cannon fodder. He only chose you because of father's insisting He would have chosen someone else if he hadn't been so desperate to prove himself. Thanks father... thanks a fucking bunch. I almost died...multiple times. And I had almost killed... I was almost a murderer...no, because of me, murder did happen. I am just as guilty..._

Draco bit his lip, trying not to cry again. He'd been wrong, so wrong. He never should have allowed this to happen. Maybe if he had been stronger...or not so desperate to prove himself...or...

"There it is! Ok, here" Harry reappeared in the doorway, hand clasping something behind his back. A small part of Draco wondered if it was his wand, so he could stun him before the Aurors got there... but Draco was tired of running. Besides, maybe he deserved to be punished. Because of him the death eaters got into Hogwarts and killed professor Dumbledore. Maybe he should-

Harry held his hand out and opened his palm, showing what he was holding. Draco was right, it _was_ a wand...but not Harry's usual one. Had he got a new one? This was was 10 inches long exactly, black hilt, made of hawthorn wood. It looked strangely familiar... Draco's eyes finally clicked with recognition.

"I...is...is that...?" Draco asked shakily.

"Thought you might like this back, I've had it long enough" Harry held it out to him. Draco wanted to snatch the wand straight out of Harry's hand and never let it go...but there was one thing he still had to do.

"You know P-Harry, before the wand obeys me again, I'm going to have to disarm you right?" Draco said.

"Oh of course, go right ahead" Harry nodded. Draco retrieved his mother's wand from his sodded jeans hanging over the back of a chair and ran his thumb thoughtfully down the shaft. _I wonder if I can ever return _you...

Draco pointed his wand directly at Harry's, hand shaking somewhat. He had drawn his wand on Harry many times in the past, now it just felt weird...

"Expelliarmus!" Draco flicked his wrist, sending his magic flying. The wand flew from Harry's hand and up into the air. Draco rushed forward to grab it before it could touch the ground. He fell to his knees just in time.

"Nice catch Draco" Harry said. Draco didn't care about the praise, all he cared about was his precious wand. It was finally back, after nearly three years it was his again. He lovingly stroked the dark wood in his hands like a mother would a child.

He could hear Harry snickering behind him softly.

"I can hear you you know Po-Harry" Draco corrected himself again. He wasn't going to get used to that anytime soon.

"I'm not laughing" Harry said, clearly trying to suppress just that.

"Yes you are i'm not-" "I'm not! Seriously!" Harry interrupted.

"I felt the same way when I got my wand back after it had broken" Harry said.

"Your wand broke?" Draco blinked.

"Ages ago, it's fixed now though of course" Harry smiled as he grasped his pocket.

"Lucky you, not easy fixing a wand these day" Draco said, remembering his father's partially broken wand.

"Not when you had the most powerful wand in the world to repair it...you want help up?" Harry held out his hand. Draco eyed it suspiciously for a brief second. He still wasn't 100% sure if Harry was being serious about all this...but what choice did he have but to trust him?

"Thanks..." He muttered as he grasped the strong outstretched hand. Harry pulled him to his feet...then winced.

"Ah fuck...!" Harry hissed, clutching his wrist.

"What, what is it?" Draco asked, concern thick in his voice.

"I-it's nothing, I'm fine" Harry muttered.

"It's not fine you're hurt! Let me have a look" Draco tried to take Harry's hand. Harry flintched away violently.

"I said i'm fine Draco!" He said angrily. Draco was begining to lose his patience with the Potter boy.

"Harry I don't care what you say but If you don't give me that arm right now I SWEAR TO GOD-" Draco raised his voice when Harry tried to intergect. "-I will bind you to the floor do you understand!"

"Heh, good luck doing that Draco, if I can managed to defeat the most powerful dark wizard know to mankind I don't think you'll be much of a problem" Harry snorted.

"Harry please!"Draco nearly begged the boy before him. He didn't know what the hell was going with Harry, but he was determined to find out no matter what.

"Draco..." Harry's face fell. "Trust me...you don't want to see..."

Now Draco was really worried. What could possibly be so bad as to get this sort of reaction from the great Harry Potter? Hesitantly now, Draco gentally grasped Harry's hand and ever so carefully pulled up the sleeve... and what he saw...

"...Wh..." Draco was speechless. Across...across Harry's wrist...were four angry, red, _bleeding__, _marks. No, not marks, _cuts_. Draco's heart was pounding a million miles an hour as he ran his eyes over Harry's skin. Those were only the newest ones, all across the insides of his arm were faded pink marks crisscrossing his skin like angry claws... Draco's mind felt like it was about to explode as twenty different emotions barraged him. He wanted to pull Harry into his arms and somehow wash away whatever it was that was making Harry do this...and at the same time, he wanted to punch him in the face. Why would he do this to himself?! What possible reason... Maybe Draco was being hypocritical, but he still couldn't stop himself from snapping.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" Draco shouted. Harry's eyes widened, not used to seeing this kind of emotion in Draco.

"Well, I, um..." Harry turned away, trying to take back his scared arm. But Draco was gripping it so tightly Harry couldn't budge.

"Why!? Why would you do this to yourself!" Draco demmanded. This seemed to snap Harry out of his daze.

"I had my reasons! You have no idea what the fuck I've been through! Do you know how hard it is trying to live day after day knowing the things I know?! Knowing what I caused!" Harry shouted back. Draco scowled before answering.

"...Yes" He stared Harry dead in the eye, making sure he knew he wasn't kidding.

"Bullshit you do! Besides, your one to talk!" Harry pointed at Draco's left arm. Draco blinked in astonishment. How...How the fuck did he-

"That's right, I looked when you were changing your top. How stupid do you think I am, did you think I wouldn't notice? You're such a hypocrite!" Harry snarled.

"T-that's different" Draco defended himself.

"How!?" Harry demanded. This only flared the fire that was beginning to build inside Draco. Making his bad side show.

"You're not the only fucking person in the world with problems Potter! What is the one thing that defines you, the thing everyone sees when they look at you. Your fucking scar thats what! Well guess what they see when they look at me! They see the evil son of a death eater, the dark lords hand picked servant! This mark has brought me nothing but pain and suffering, ad there is absolutely nothing I can do to remove it! What do you think would happen if i went walking down the street hey? People would try to kill me for this, blame me for what happened at Hogwarts. And it's fucking true! Look at you what do they see, a hero Potter! You're the whole worlds fucking hero!" Draco spat out almost hatefully. He had to take a deep breath before he continued.

"Do you think it's easy being me? Do you know how hard I worked for that tiny smidgin of respect I had back at Hogwarts? I played all the card, all the lines, managed to get a decent sized friend group, and the YOU showed up. I only wanted to be your friend, and when you turned me down so did the rest of the school! Only the people who were as jelous of you as me ever talked to me. Crab, goil, Blain, they were my only real friends in the entire school. You had your whole life handed out to you o a silver platter Potter, much as it might not seem like it, but it's true. You were give everything, money, fame, popularity, _friends. _That's why I tried so fucking hard to show you up all the time! All I had to keep myself going was the thought of making my father proud of me, and part of that came by besting you. Which never happened I might add! And when he lost everything, so did I. All I had left to turn to was this" Draco pulled up his sleeve, showing Harry the mangled mark on his arm.

The skull no longer moved and had faded to a different shade of black, but that wasn't what was mangled about it. There were co many scars covering it, little lines, big gashes, even a cresent around half of it where Draco had tried to cut it off at one point...before passing out...

"You never noticed it did you, how every day of school since I got this was such a fucking struggle. I know you knew about it the whole time, but you never even noticed the toll it was taking on me did you! Not even when you found me in the bathroom crying, you just fucking attacked me! I cried nearly every day from the stress of it all! Vol- the dark lord forced me to do it Potter, I had no choice. He basically had a wand to my throat every single day! And I went through with it like the fucking weak coward that I am... And because of me... because of me they killed Dumbledore. Because of me they got into the castle... did you know where I was while you were gallivanting off in the woods in search of those Horcrux things? I was being forced to attend torture sessions and bare witness to...god I don't know... maybe at least 40 murders? And I had to just sit there and watch as everyone, including my father do it? And...and you know...the only thing that...that kept me going...that stopped me from...from doing, well, _that_, was the thought that, you were out there somewhere stopping this? And I knew...well, I _thought_ you would never do such a thing, so why should I...? And now...YOU REALLY ARE DOING IT! You were the strong one, the one who could take anything! WHY!" Draco shrieked, very near tears again.

"WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH!" Harry shouted back.

"BECAUSE I-" Draco stopped himself just in time. He looked away and clenched his fists tightly, knuckles turning white. _Damn it..._

"Because?" Harry asked.

"...Nothing" Draco muttered.

"You were going to say something before, what?" Harry asked again.

"I wasn't going to say anything" Draco denied it again.

"What the hell is your problem? First you're yelling at me, and now you won't even look at me...? Would you please just say something!" Harry grit his teeth.

"I don't know why I even bothered coming here..." Draco spat. He had decided it. He grabbed his still damp clothes and his mother's wand and stormed out the door.

"Wait, Draco where are you going?" Harry called after him.

"Anywhere but here" Draco didn't look back, he just started to march down the spiral staircase without so much as a blink.

"But you'll get caught!" Harry started to follow him down the black steps.

"I can fight if I have to" Draco still didn't even cast Harry a glace. He was at the base of the stairs now, turning down the hallway that lead to the front door.

"B-but it's rainning!" Harry ran down the stairs after Draco.

"I've been in rain plenty of times before, I don't care" Draco said. He was at the door now.

"Goodbye Potter" Draco said coldly, grabbing the silver doorhandle.

"Draco wait...please..." There was something in Harry's voice that made Draco pause. His fingers were still on the doorknob, half twisted, but he waited.

"...don't go..." Harry's voice was very soft...as if he was...sad?

"Why" Draco asked, still not looking at Harry just yet.

"B...because...look, i'm sorry I yelled at you I just... Please stay...you have no idea how lonely it is here and...I don't _want_ you to go..." Harry's voice broke very slightly at the end. It sounded almost as if...he were begging. Draco, ever so slowly, turned to face him. Harry was at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall with his shoulder, as if he needed the support to keep him upright. He was looking at Draco with an expression he couldn't quite understand...

"D-do you mean it?" Draco asked quietly.

"...yes" Harry nodded. Draco stared at Harry, just to see if he was lying to him...but no... he could tell, Harry was serious.

"...why?" Draco questioned. Harry thought about it for a second before answering.

"I...i don't know...but I can't bare the thought of you walking out that door... please stay?" Harry blinked hopefully at Draco.

Draco felt his heart give a painful throb. Why did his heart have to do this now of all times. Now was not the time to...or maybe it was. Maybe it should feel sad for Harry. And maybe, for once, he should let it. Draco let his fingers fall from the ornate silver handle back to his side.

"Alright...I'll stay"


	4. Important Notice

This is an important message to anyone out there who reads all my stuff.

Scars, Choices, Mad, Dessert and BitterSweet memories will all have to be persponed indefinatly.

My family somehow found out about all this and are deeply disgusted with me. they have taken my computer, banned me from all media accsess (including school) and i'm not allowed out the house. There has been big trouble regarding Scars chapter 6, if you read it you'll know what i'm talking about. For anyone out there I offended with this I am truelly sorry, but it wasn't ,e being sick or perverted that caused me to write it. Once i'm in character, I don't realise how graphic it is. So again, sorry for any harm caused.

Due to legal issues I don't know when I can return here, but I swear one day I will. My family can treat me like a horrific monster all they want, I _need _to do this. Writting is the only thing that makes me happy.

I'm taking a huge risk to even post this, but I thought I owed you all an explienation.

Thank you for being there for me, for now...


End file.
